Happiness is your own treasure because it lies within you.
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8.13.08  

Update #52

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7.18.08  

Update #51

Nearly every single day someone says or multiple people mention, they are keeping me in their prayers.  It is so difficult to describe how uplifting a feeling it is to know that all of these thoughts and prayers represent the circle of love that surrounds me.  I have really been enjoying all the recent messages in the guest book also.  I know it’s a crazy way to look at it; but sometimes I picture all of these prayers coming at God like in a game of dodge ball.  He must think, “how many people does she have on this support team?” as prayer “balls” are coming from every direction.

Shannon’s all-star action was so much fun to watch.  Caledonia played three games, and while the team did not go onto the next level, the boys made a great effort.  Shannon fielded very well, mostly at 3rd base and one game as pitcher.  His batting percentage was well over 500, and he loved playing with many of his friends.  Andy helped coach, and he delegated the perfect job to me, keeping track of pitch count for both teams.  It seemed to be a strategy on his and Shannon’s part to keep me very focused on pitch count, causing limited ability for my usual, vocal parental input.  Yes, this was a very clever move on their part, indeed.

In my last message, I spoke of a planned trip to Mayo Clinic for the first procedure of radioactive “seeds” being deposited to my liver.  Well, thankfully the doctor who performed the procedure was able to administer a full dose into one lobe of my liver.  He felt so pleased with the outcome that Andy and I are leaving Monday July 21st to return to Mayo for a second procedure.  The same doctor is going to administer radioactive “seeds” into my other lobe.  Then, approximately a month later, I will return for a hepatic artery embolization.  Hence, the one-two punch from my last message has now added a third punch into the plan.  I know you are likely anxious to know if the daily chemotherapy shots I administer and the radioactive “seeds” are working, but it is just too soon to tell.  My blood test results continue to look good with the exception of that nagging high calcium issue.

It is such a relief to have Andy with me on these Mayo visits.  We are very thankful for the support he is receiving from the leadership of his department at Spartan.  I have been trying to work two days a week still at Fairly Painless Advertising, and they have been excellent about all of my necessary absences.  Shannon will be in good hands the week we go to Mayo, as he will again be going to Traverse City with his daycare provider.

I was sitting at Panera’s the other day waiting and noticed a sign that said, “Wake Up Happy.”  Sure it was simply promoting a breakfast sandwich, but I drifted deeper and thought about how my life has changed a lot since the cancer.  I don’t feel well right now with constant headaches, nausea, backaches, and general fatigue; however, other than an occasional pity party, I Wake Up Happy.  I know how to relax now (a newly adopted trait); just today I watched 7 baby ducks cross the golf course, watered and cared for flowers, listened to birds chirping, and made sure to get plenty of rest. 

One thing though that remains on “high energy” status, is my passionate desire to battle this disease with that gift of competitive fire I have been given.  Sometimes I try to do this on my own, and quite frankly, it doesn’t work out too well.  I want to close with an excerpt from Dancing With God that a friend emailed me.  This poem speaks of the way I manage to “Wake Up Happy” through surrendering my trust in God:

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,

I kept seeing ‘dance’ at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God’s will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.

The movement doesn’t flow with the music,

and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

 

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,

both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back

or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.

It’s as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness,

and attentiveness from one person

and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

 

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.

When I saw ‘G’: I thought of God, followed by ‘u’ and ‘i’.

God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust

that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

Sally

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6.19.08  

Update #50

When I typed the words update #50, I just stopped and pondered to think about how much gratification has been given to me through the ability to stay connected to all of you.  Most of us have shared laughs and some tears along the way of the last 49 updates, and the greatest joy for me has been the continued gift of life.  June 23rd marks two years since my surgeon oncologist informed Andy and me that the cancer had come back with vengeance in the form of “too many tumors to count” in the liver and surrounding lymph nodes.  In a book I am reading, the late Christopher Reeves, actor and activist, was quoted saying “You play the hand you’re dealt.  I think the game’s worthwhile.”  Amen to Christopher’s thoughts, as folding due to a bad hand was never an option for me either.

Shannon’s baseball season has almost come to a close.  The team had a rough season, but they did manage to win a few games and came super close on many others.  Shannon got a certificate at the end from the coach, who commented that he was the best hitter on the team.  We are very excited, as he has been selected to be on an all-star team.  The big sports upset though was that he took 1st place in the tennis skills competition at the Junior Olympics in Caledonia for his age group and qualified to compete in the regional event.  This is a kid who has only held a racket a handful of times playing against his mom in Florida and a couple times locally.  We are not sure the outcome of the regional event, but we are so incredibly proud that he had the courage to even compete, let alone do so well.  He also placed 2nd in the Caledonia basketball competition, but only 1st place winners go onto the regional events.

A couple weeks ago, we got together for a family birthday party and also celebrated my nephew, Michael’s, graduation.  The card Andy, Shannon, and I gave him had a quote on it from Logan Pearsall Smith that just seemed perfect for someone beginning a new chapter in his journey.  It read, “There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it.  Only the wisest of people achieve the second.”  Even being very competitive and goal focused, I believe firmly that all cannot be expended in the quest or mission, as if you lose sight of what makes you happy, so much is lost in the process.

A lot has been happening on the health front.  I have been taking self-administered chemotherapy shots daily for the past several weeks.  The medicine is predominantly designed to help strengthen my immune system, but it also has potential for targeting the cancer.  My local nurse told me the shots would cause side effects that would be like the worst flu of my life.  She was right as it was one rough ride, but the doctor also informed me it would get better over time, and he was thankfully also correct. 

Last week, Andy and I headed to Mayo.  We were very fortunate that Karla and Cory and my mom watched Shannon while we were gone.  He had a terrific time with them (especially as much as they all spoil him).  As I mentioned in my last update, I went there to do a “test” pre-procedure to see if my body could handle radioactive “seeds” being deposited through my arteries to my liver without too much shunting/leaking to my lungs or my stomach region.  The only complication was that my calcium was so high again (13.3), they had to conference to determine if they would go ahead with the pre-procedure, but fortunately they felt I could handle it with all my past dealings with the high calcium.  I also got a kick out of the fact that I have a new name there; two doctors and a nurse in separate situations referred to me as “the nice lady from Michigan”.  Andy joked with me later that they really don’t know me very well. 

It looks like perhaps this will be my second year of “summer camp” at Mayo.  I have just received word that the doctors are recommending a two-step treatment plan for me.  I already will be returning with Andy to Mayo next week (week of June 23) for the actual radioactive “seeds” procedure.  They are not going to be able to give me a full dose due to the difficulty of reaching my liver in the right places and due to the large quantity of cancer, so approximately a month later they are going to have me return, and the same doctor is going to perform a special hepatic artery embolization.  In my crazy continued need to be unique, apparently I have developed a new network of artery branches flowing into my liver, caused by the cancer trying to feed off more blood flow.  The goal would be to close down as many of these new branches as possible.  They are going to be aggressive, as they know that also is my desire.  I like to think of it as giving the cancer the one, two punch.  I feel really good about all of this, as it is so important for me to be on a plan, knowing I am pushing the limits to try to prolong my life.  God continues to answer our prayers and help me walk through new doors with an amazing sense of peace.

Andy and Shannon are so incredibly strong through all this.  What a relief it is to be close as a family at a time filled with much uncertainty.  For Father’s Day, Shannon painted a birdhouse for his dad’s gift.  It was so moving when Andy opened it and on one side Shannon painted Andy’s name, one side his name, and one side my name.  On the bottom he had painted Father’s Day 2008.  He used a variety of bright colors that just popped.  When something difficult happens, it is easy to lose sight of the colorful surroundings that still exist.  I am quite confident we are not going to let that happen, as “the game’s worthwhile” to us and if we keep finding a few of God’s rainbows here and there, our dreams still give us a vision of hope.  Wow, update #50 and two memorable years since the cancer returned!  Yes, dreams really can come true.

Sally

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Update #49

Someone asked me the other day what my favorite season was, and I replied, “summer, summer, and oh, summer.”  I am excited about warmer weather and outdoor fun being just around the corner.  There just is something about the sun shining brightly that adds extra pep to my step.

Earlier this month, the women of our family did something for our first time.  My mom, sisters, Karla (Brenda’s daughter), and yours truly went to New Buffalo, MI for Mother’s Day weekend.  It started with my mom and I going for a manicure and pedicure.  We really got some chuckles from the experience, as the room we were in (including the gal doing our nails) was the size of a coat closet, and it took over 4 hours.  My sisters joked  they were going to have to send in a rescue team.  On Saturday, I enjoyed a walk on the beach with my sister Linda and took pride in the fact that I managed to climb about 70 stairs to get back to our place. 

My mom brought old pictures for us to peruse, and it generated terrific memories and oodles of laughs.  Also, you can see a couple photos from our trip in the photo gallery.  We asked a man at the inn to take our picture, and I shared that we were having a mother, daughter trip.  Then someone said we also had a granddaughter, and I immediately informed him that was me (ok, yes I was pushing it a bit, but you have to think young when you can’t exactly feel it). 

Shannon’s baseball is in full swing, and he is really enjoying it.  He has three consistent fans: a calm Grandma Barb, a reasonable dad, and a mom who thinks that the little league minors are one step from professional ball.  He has been hitting great (already has singles, doubles, a triple, and a home run).  He is learning to pitch, and I must say this is a new level of pressure (especially for his mom).  I asked Shannon the other day if he minded how much I yelled out to him.  He replied, “I MOSTLY like it.” :)

 I read an email the other day about a column from the NY Times written by former professional baseball player, Doug Glanville.  The article talked about one of the single hardest acts in sports:  hitting a curve ball.  He described how a hitter has about two-tenths of a second to locate the ball and make a decision to swing, and hopefully manage have the ball meet the bat. Glanville said the problem with a curve ball is the movement down or side to side, and consequently, the hitter has no idea it is coming.  He talked about the practice and hard work it takes to handle these curve balls.  The line that brought a lump to my throat though, was when he said the metaphor was clear:  none of this will come easily, and in a tough environment, only the best will succeed.  The curve ball of cancer doesn’t completely match the metaphor.  He’s right, going to bat against cancer is not easy, and it takes some real perseverance to keep swinging at those cancer curve balls, but the best players do not always get to succeed.  Learning and accepting this lesson perhaps has been the biggest curve ball for me, as I just want so much to beat this cancer and not disappoint anyone along the way.

I have on the health front been consumed primarily with my local doctor trying to find solutions to get my calcium levels down.  I have been going to the doctor’s office 2-3 times per week for blood tests, and we have tried various options to lower the calcium.  Please just keep those prayers coming, as we search for answers.  Also, this week I should be scheduling a future appointment to go back to Mayo Clinic to research a new treatment course.  My first trip will be for pre-testing and a “simulation” procedure to see if it is safe for us to proceed in this direction.  This is a radiologist-conducted procedure where tiny, permanent radioactive “seeds” will be deposited through my arteries into my liver to attack the cancer.  I will provide more information after we see if I am a potential candidate through the pre-testing.

Andy and I talk regularly with Shannon about dealing with my cancer and processing the emotions of sadness, fear, anger, etc.  Well the other day, I came unglued at him for not turning in a check and some paperwork to school after 5 straight nights of reminders.  Shannon looked at me with a straight face and said, “Mom, is this that anger thing you have been talking about?”  The tables sure turned quickly on that one.

For Memorial weekend, my mom is planning to come with us to the cottage.  We are glad she is going to join us.  There is a huge hole in all of our lives with my dad being gone, but my mom has kept going strong, and I know my dad would be so proud of how she is living her life in his absence.  Many of us have lost loved ones.  I wanted to end with this poem, for it seems appropriate as I admire lessons in life my parents taught me.  I also hope you will find “the life that is you”:

The Life That Is You

by Ralph Marston

You can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable.

Which would you rather be?

You can choose to make productive and purposeful use of the moments in this day,

Or you can choose to let the time slip away and be left with nothing but regret.

Life is what you decide you are going to make of it.  What have you decided to make of the possibility-filled moment that is right now?

You can complain that it’s all so very unfair, but all that you will accomplish is to bring you down even more.  Or, you can fully accept life as it is and then experience the genuine satisfaction of making your way forward in spite of obstacles.

You can choose to hide behind excuses or you can open yourself up to the richness of life.  You can decide to make the most of whatever comes your way, and know how great it feels to be fully alive and engaged in your world.

No matter what has come before, life in this moment is what you decide to make it.  Consider all the possibilities, and then choose the life that is you.

Sally

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Update #48

What better place to begin than a vacation update?  Andy, Shannon, and I had such a terrific time on our trip to Florida.  We went to a Tampa Bay Devil Rays game against the New York Yankees.  Even though we are of course Detroit Tigers fans, Shannon wore a Tampa Bay baseball hat and managed to get up on the big screen monitor for the whole stadium to see.  He really was a “star” that week, as when we went to a stunt car performance at Disney World, he got picked out of an audience of about 2000 people to go down on the track and operate a vehicle via remote control.  At the end, they asked him what he thought, and he simply replied, “Well, THAT was fun.”

Also while at Disney, I received a phone call that one study I had hoped to go on at Karmanos was no longer available.  I felt sad, and then Andy and Shannon said to look up in the sky.  There was a plane that had drawn a J.  Right after that, came a message, “Jesus Loves U”.  Timing like that is more than coincidence.  The entire week I was given a gift of tremendous energy.  Good friends of ours also offered to take Shannon overnight mid-week, so Andy and I could enjoy a relaxing dinner and evening together.  Words can’t quite describe how good it felt to be together enjoying life as a family.

The other day I received in the mail a copy of a note from my mom’s sister, Aunt Donna.  She explained that her granddaughter, Clarissa, had been assigned an essay with the other fifth graders, and she had been selected to read her essay at the school musical.  Each of the students had to write about their role model, and she had picked me.  I read the essay where she explained why I was her role model, and it brought me to incredible tears of joy.  My aunt wrote that at the end of the essay reading, Clarissa said, “Sally, you raise me up” and then they sang the song You Raise Me Up.  I have only met Clarissa once at the hospital when my dad was in the coma, but she likes to follow this blog.  Clarissa holds a special place in my heart.  I marvel at how you may touch lives from a far, and receive graces back a hundred fold of what you share.

This week I attended my nephew Michael’s graduation from Grand Valley State University where he received his Bachelor’s in Secondary Education.  Soon I hope to have a couple of the pictures we took after the ceremony added to the site.  I was so proud of his accomplishment and clearly could see how much it meant to his mom, my sister, Brenda.

First, on the health front, I am happy to report that my brain MRI results came back negative.  The doctor’s office said jokingly, “Yes you do have a brain, but the negative diagnosis means you don’t have cancer in the brain.”  In terms of treatment, I have not been able to start anything new yet, with this latest denial being related to my calcium levels being too high.  I continue to battle this situation with calcium medications, and now am evaluating eligibility for other medicines through Karmanos in Detroit or a radiological procedure at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.  I’ve been waiting to write this message until I had something more definitive, but it just has been a really tedious situation with no immediate solutions.

A friend and cancer survivor sent me this story that seemed like perfect timing with everything going on lately.  I want to share it as a reminder for all of us:

When your hut’s on fire..  The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island.  He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him.  Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.  Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.  One day after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky.  He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost.  He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger.  He cried out, ‘God! How could you do this to me?’  Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island!  It had come to rescue him.  ‘How did you know I was here?’ asked the weary man of his rescuers.  ‘We saw your smoke signal,’ they replied.

The Moral of this story:  It’s easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn’t lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.  Remember that next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground.  It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

I’m not sure what is next for me, but there are many things I do know.  My battle with cancer has impacted Andy, Shannon, our families and friends.  I only have to look into eyes and see how much this circle around me wishes they could heal me.  I feel the heartache of others who watch me try so hard to find the best solution.  But please do not forget that miracles come in many forms.  At church last Sunday, the 2nd grade class was recognized for having taken their first communions.  As Shannon puts it, I had “sprinkle eyes” come upon me, as I recalled how much I had prayed that I would be able to see Shannon take his first communion last April.  Here I am, a year later, still in this fight.   Here all of you are a year later, sending up “smoke signals” and raising me up.

Sally

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Update #47

The season of spring has been filled with as many personal ups and downs as the Michigan weather.  Despite all of my health challenges, I feel full of energy and believe firmly that negativity or inner resistance is contrary to the way I wish to live.  A friend of mine suggested I pick up a book by Eckhart Tolle called “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.”  After the first 20 pages, which did not amuse me, I then became completely enthralled by the content of the book.  I pondered the quote, “If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in.”  I love the feeling of rays of sunshine warming my skin, so keeping those shutters open, sounds like a plan to me.

Andy, Shannon, and I spent a very uplifting weekend at the end of March with friends of ours, Ellen and Dave, plus another couple who we just met.  We went to Detroit to visit Father Solanus Center and the Divine Mercy Center.  Learning about the simple life of Father Solanus, who fully committed himself to serving others, was a humbling experience.  We were able to receive a blessing by the tomb of Father Solanus.  In touring the museum portion, I was taken in by a quote from Father Solanus on the wall.  It said, “Man’s greatness lies in being faithful to the present moment.”  They say he could not achieve good enough grades to become a priest who could deliver homilies, but with over 20,000 people attending his funeral, it was crystal clear that his wisdom ran deep in offering compassion and love.

On Sunday, we attended a special healing service, prayers, and mass at the Divine Mercy Center.  Shannon was so good, as we were there for 5 hours.  He did make one wise crack, but it was quite funny.  When they announced a hymn number, he looked it up, and handed the book to me.  I noticed it was in Latin, and Shannon whispered in my ear, “Good luck with that.”  The weekend gave me an incredible sense of peace.

A new sports season has arrived; it’s time for baseball.  Shannon is really excited about playing again.  Andy and I have been practicing with him in our backyard and at ball fields.  One thing though, should a 43 year old woman be afraid of a fast ball coming from a 9 year old?  While I never let him see me sweat, I do explain how important it is to take off some heat to consistently throw strikes (this of course is also for self protection purposes).

On the health front, things have been a bit rough lately.  While I feel pretty good, the cancer and I do not necessarily agree.  I recently had a liver MRI to get a detailed view of my liver.  I’m sorry to report that there is more cancer in my liver.  Due to my liver enzymes fluctuating so much lately and my cancer getting worse, I am not able to continue on the original pill based treatment.  I also have been getting a lot of headaches, so this week, I will be having a brain MRI.  In a couple weeks, they hope to start me on a different treatment course with new medicines.  My mom has been such a trooper going with me to my Detroit appointments.  Please pray the brain MRI comes back negative and that my liver will stabilize.

There is an excerpt from the same book I mentioned earlier, that I also wanted to share.  It says, “The modalities of awakened doing are acceptance, enjoyment, and enthusiasm.  Modality means the underlying energy that flows into what you do and connects your actions.  If you are not in the state of either acceptance, enjoyment or enthusiasm, look closely and you will find that you are creating suffering for yourself and others.”

Just today, those words came to mind.  Shannon was in a high-energy mode and really acting up.  I yelled at him to give me a break, as I had to go to the doctor’s office all afternoon for calcium medicines, a shot, and a doctor’s appointment.  He looked at me and said, “Mom, shouldn’t it be o.k. to goof around and have fun?  I would never try to hurt you.”  After swallowing hard and holding back the tears, I replied, “Shannon you are right.”  Andy and I love the strength and courage he shows us each and every day.

 My friend gave me a ring the other night with the inscription “laugh often”. Andy and Shannon have been trying to keep the mood light lately in the midst of much uncertainty.  We leave in a couple days for vacation in Florida.  I plan to let the sunlight in, laugh often, and stay awakened.  I wish the same for all of you.  Oh, and remember to keep those shutters open this spring.  J

Sally

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Update #46

I must have been snoozing at the wheel (or on the computer keyboard), for almost a month has gone by since my last update.  Shannon has a kid’s musical cd he plays sometimes, and there is a song which he jokingly calls my favorite.  The song lyrics chime, “time goes by … so slowly.”   I just smile and reminisce about the concept of time as a child, often wishing it could feel that calm speed again. 

We have hit another web site milestone with over 20,000 site visits.  I am truly humbled by the support in following the site of family, friends, and those of you whom I have never experienced the blessing of meeting.  I may be fighting the battle of a lifetime, but with a team of committed people around me, I am better equipped to tackle the challenge.  I am so grateful for how each of you has helped me grow in faith and spirit.

The other day I was picking Shannon up from school and noticed a couple sayings on the sign out front.  One side read, “Talking is sharing, but listening is caring;” and the other noted, “Ideas don’t work unless we do.”   The first was self-explanatory and offered a good reminder that there is power in silence.  I often notice it seems awkward for some to know what to say given my circumstances.  Everyone is different, but for me, just having people there to listen is all I need.  I did however also make a mental note to make sure I ramble less and lend an ear more often.  Shannon and I actually discussed the latter saying on the car ride home.  A teachable moment turned into a child being the instructor for the adult.  Shannon touted from the back seat, “Mom, it means you cannot just come up with stuff and quit there.  You need to work at making those things really happen.”

Shannon is now in Florida with his friend’s family.  It was a very generous offer for them to take him on their family vacation and provide Andy and I with a nice break.   Before Shannon left, I had the opportunity to watch he and his friend perform at the school wide talent show.  It meant so much to me, as I was devastated to miss the “I Love Rock & Roll” performance when I was sick on Valentine’s Day.  It is hard to describe the emotions that overcame me, but I don’t think either of us will ever forget it. 

My wish would be to share with all of you that the pill based treatment through Karmanos in Detroit is going well, but it has been sort of like maneuvering a four way stop while driving.  I pulled up to the corner, knowledgeable about all the rules, and then experienced a fair amount of issues beyond my control, making it difficult to move in the desired direction.  Now that I have created complexity, let me clarify.  I started the treatment on February 25th.  Due to side effects being quite substantial, I went off the medicine for the week of March 3rd (doctors orders of course, as for those of you who know me, I was all about staying on the plan).  The week of March 10th, I started on a lower dose of the medication.  As of that Friday, my blood test results dictated the necessity to take me back off the medicine.  It hasn’t been easy, but the medical staff has been absolutely fabulous to work with at Karmanos and everything considered, I still feel really good.  My blood will be monitored frequently, and then doctors will recommend next steps.  More than ever, that liver needs to be powered by prayer.

A friend at work the other day shared with me an age-old concept from Celtic literature from Ireland, England, and Scotland, known as “thin places.”  This was a cool, new lesson for me.  Many of you may realize that “thin places” are the places where it is believed the veil or curtain separating heaven and earth is the thinnest; the place where the membrane between God and humans becomes especially permeable and people become aware of God’s presence.  My friend said his pastor challenged in his message, to look in daily life’s common occurrences, for the opportunity to find “thin places.”

“Mountain top” experiences may seem out of reach, but I believe they are far easier to find, if we are eagerly looking for them and want to make ordinary become extraordinary.  To capture the essence, we probably need to be moving at a calm speed.  I used to reach those 4 way stops and get irritated by other drivers who rudely went out of turn, didn’t know the “rules”, and even those kind folks, who just waved everyone through the intersection, bothered me.  Now, I just laugh and realize it really is no big deal in the scheme of things.

I’m not sure what is next in terms of my treatment options, but Andy said something to me a couple nights ago, that felt like a “thin place.”  He said, “Sally, you will never leave us.  No matter what, you will always be with Shannon and me.”   I told him the same thing that I want each of you to know, I will never quit fighting, and we must be grateful for how fortunate I have been in this journey.

Sally

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Update #45

The month has been so busy; I realized it was definitely time to write a new update.  This time of year often has its challenges with battling the winter weather and trying to keep a sunny perspective despite many cloudy days.  A couple weeks ago, I jokingly asked a friend, you know when they developed the saying, “when it rains, it pours,” what comes next, for that was how things seemed to be going.  Let me explain.

The day before Valentine’s Day, I found out my calcium level was still high, and I had to undergo another 4-hour injection of medicine and fluids at my local oncologist’s office.  Later that night, I slipped on the ice at church after picking Shannon up from his faith formation class.  Being sick all night, the next morning Andy took me to urgent care where they determined I suffered a mild concussion.  Unfortunately, I had to miss Shannon performing at his class talent show for their Valentine’s Day party.  He dressed up and wore a wig of mine (which we dyed jet black) singing “I Love Rock and Roll” with his friend.  I am sure they brought the house down. :-) 

With the high calcium level, recovering from the concussion, and anticipating beginning a new treatment plan, I began to feel a bit anxious.  This is when a friend of mine reminded me on the phone one day, “Nothing can hurt you when you have joy.”  Yes, I thought to myself, finding the path to joy is one of life’s rewarding missions.

The next week was fabulous.  Shannon and I went to Chicago on the train, as he had a week off school.  We stayed with my sister and her husband, Linda and Jerry, in downtown Chicago.  The highlight of our trip was going to the theater to see Wicked.  I loved watching Shannon’s facial expressions as he enjoyed his first theater performance.  We also went ice-skating, which sensible minds would know I should not have done, but I managed without any falls.  Soon we will put some Chicago pictures on the site.  My sister treated me to a chocolate pedicure at their health club for my birthday.  How good is that, a combination of two awesome things in one!

Sitting down in the waiting area of the club after, I glanced down and saw a piece of paper on the table.  It read, “Word of the Week: *hope*,” and offered numerous definitions for hope, as well as multiple quotes/musings about hope.  One section really stood out for me that expressed:

Hope Is: having faith that the outcome will be positive even when the evidence seems to point to the opposite.

Hope Is: believing there is color when all you can see is grey.

Hope Is: believing there is light when it appears you are living in dark.

I asked Linda and Jerry if these words of the week are at the club often.  Neither had ever seen any communication of that nature.  I don’t know who authored the paper or who left it behind, but I believe it entered my path for a reason.

At the end of the week, after returning from Chicago, it was time for the parents to play a scrimmage game against Shannon’s basketball team.  Andy of course represented the parents’ team well, but I was quite shaky on the court.  It did however take bravery, as I was the only mother to play.  Shannon was smart to beg me to do this, as I was much quieter in terms of advice from the sidelines at his game the following day.  Basketball never was a strong suit for me.

It is the week of February 25th, and I have just returned from two days at the Karmanos Cancer Center in Detroit.  My sister Linda went on the trip with me to help out.  In testing from the prior week I qualified, and now I have started the new pill-based treatment plan.  I would so appreciate your prayers that the side effects from the medicine will be manageable, and that the pills will be effective in attacking the cancer.  Thank you for your prayers that were answered allowing me to be eligible for this option.

In pondering how I would end today’s update, something became very clear to me.  I think I have solved the riddle from earlier.  “When it rains, it pours, and then a rainbow comes out giving a promise of hope.”

 

Sally

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Update #44

It sure has been nice to talk to many of you lately and receive messages on how much you like the new site.   I used to be quite resistant to change, but change really is good (at least most of the time).  I love the fresh look of the new site! 

Andy, Shannon, and I celebrated my birthday at home on Super Bowl Sunday.  Unfortunately, Andy was sick with a virus, but he was a real trooper.   One highlight was an incredible chocolate cake that our friend Charlene made for us (Shannon and I were kind enough to leave some for Andy after he felt better a couple days later).  It looked like it belonged on a magazine cover, and the cake was absolutely delicious.  It is so wonderful how we all have unique talents (I struggle making a boxed cake about once every three years for crying out loud).   By the way, I am 43 now and am debating whether to describe myself as early 40’s or mid 40’s.  I am leaning towards the former.

Last week, we went to see BB King in concert as a gift from friends.  He is such a music legend, strumming on the guitar and belting out lyrics with incredible tone and passion.  In case you are wondering, he is 82 years old.  BB and I share something in common, boy could he talk.  One story he shared was going back 60 years ago in Mississippi in the days of separate drinking fountains.  He spoke of sneaking one day and using the “white” fountain, and to his surprise, how the water tasted the same.  He went deeper into the story and said the reason why he offered this memory up for everyone is for us to realize, the world is a better place than it used to be. 

A few days later my boss reminded me that for every bad or hard to understand circumstance that exists in this world, there are always corresponding good things happening.  Both lessons were a reminder for me that when you look around at tough economic times, war, and hardships, make sure to seek out what good has happened in your life and the world around you.  I sure wish I had prayed as much in my 30’s, as I have in my 40’s, for all the gifts I had been given. 

It is time for a health update.  My mom and I went to Karmanos Cancer Institute in Detroit in late January, where we spent over 3 hours with health care professionals.  They already had accumulated about an 8-inch thick stack on my medical history, and this was just my first appointment.  Since then, I just learned that they are recommending a combination pill based therapy, and if all goes well in screening tests on February 18th at Karmanos, the plan is to start around the beginning of March.  There are risks, but nothing is ideal at this point, and I’m reminded of a timely email a friend sent me, which read, “When you’re down to nothing, God’s up to something.”

Are you familiar with the part of a roller coaster ride where you hang upside down and hope the bar keeps you tightly in your seat?  Well, that is about how my doctor’s appointment went this week.  In visiting my local oncologist (in the middle of a white out snow storm), we found out my calcium levels were approaching dangerously high levels.  Because it was late, I was asked to return the next morning to receive intravenous medicine to lower the calcium. 

My doctor said something to me at my appointment with such compassion in his voice.  He looked at me and said, “You sure have been through a lot Sally.”  Driving home that night, I thought, yes, I have endured a great deal, but how thankful I am to be here to tell the story. 

After returning home, I became extremely ill perhaps catching the virus Andy had earlier in the week or due to the elevated calcium levels.  The next morning the nurse said I needed to come in right away, as otherwise, I could end up in the emergency room.  Shannon had a snow day off school, so fortunately a caring friend volunteered to have Shannon come to her house with an older child to baby sit, and she took me to the doctor’s office.  After receiving four hours of medicine and hydration fluids, I am doing much better.  On a more upbeat note, my hair looks great.  It isn’t quite as curly as over the summer, but it is full of body, and I glow when people actually compliment my hair.

To close this message, I decided to take a few moments this afternoon to write this poem.  I am thankful to have received the wisdom to accept the dramatic changes in my life, and I continue to remain vigilant in this journey.

“I Wonder”

by Sally Lake

I wonder what tomorrow will bring,

or how I might feel by spring;

As thoughts churn deep inside my head,

I attempt to drift asleep in bed.

 

I begin to pray to Lord our King,

please grant me courage to handle anything;

Give me strength to keep other souls fed,

blanket me with comfort, with each tear I shed.

 

“Live each day with love,” the choir of angels sings,

“fear not the day we’ll carry you on our wings;”

“For even if the water is rough ahead,

believe and feel peace, God will help you tread.”

Sally

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Update #43

If you are reading this message, I will assume you had a chance to see the new look and feel of the web site.  I am so fortunate to have such a giving, creative, and technologically savvy friend in Sue Glandon.  While she is too humble to accept it, she deserves the credit for the creation and management of the site.

I chose to use the picture on the home page for sentimental reasons.  The top I am wearing in the photo came with a lot of love.  My mom, dad, and I were shopping one day before my dad passed, and I saw the top and knew it was totally up my alley.  My dad said, “Why don’t you buy it?”  I in reply mentioned, “I am supposed to be in a no-spend mode right now.”  He looked at me and said, “I’m not.  Your mom and I would like to get it for you.”  My dad never had a chance to see me wear that brightly colored top, yet I know the love I reflect as I am watching Shannon play ball the day my friend took that picture, is the same kind of love my dad shared with me.

Andy and I returned this past weekend from Mayo Clinic.  The appointment did not go as well as we had wished.  While the good news is that the cancer is not spreading to new areas, the cancer in my liver is continuing to show growth.  In light of this, as opposed to having a 4th hepatic artery embolization, my doctor at Mayo consulted with my doctor at home, and they determined I should pursue clinical trials as a next step.  On Thursday, January 24th, my mom and I will be heading to Detroit to Karmanos Cancer Center to discuss with a doctor what options might be available at this time.  Fortunately, my liver continues to function as a healthy liver, and the only issues I am battling right now are backaches and high calcium levels.  I fully believe your prayers are helping that liver function.  It reminds me of a t-shirt Andy and I saw in Key West that read “Liver is Evil.”  At first, I thought about getting it, then it dawned on me, a better saying in my case would be “Liver is Powered by Prayer.”

Shannon is handling the news as best as possible.  He continues to do well in school and came in 2nd place in a competition to develop a jungle or safari slogan for their RIP celebration (RIP stands for Reading Incentive Program).  His slogan by the way was “RIPping through the Reading Jungle.”  He has added a new word to his vocabulary, etcetera, and it gives Andy and I quite a chuckle to hear him put it to use.  After our return to Mayo, he asked me if I could get him up earlier on week day mornings, so he could lie in bed and “snuggle” with me a few extra minutes.  He has a heart of gold.

At church last weekend, God was at work again.  Someone asked our family when we sat down if we could bring up the gifts to the priest.  Andy, Shannon, and I have only twice been asked to do this as a family.  The first time was at the Catholic Church in Newaygo by our cottage right after we received news the cancer had returned back in June 2006.  Shannon carefully carried the hosts (bread), Andy the wine, and I the basket.  The experience reminded us of Jesus’ sacrifice and the basket symbolized for me the incredible treasures that surround my life even in some of the most difficult moments.

I read an email after returning from Mayo from a friend who found this through www.marcellasinspiringcollection.com, which really hit home for me:

Life

Never take life for granted

Whatever comes your way,

Just grasp it in both hands

And enjoy it every day.

 

Sometimes sorrow comes your way

Blocking out the light,

That’s the time to pray and

To know you’ll win the fight.

 

Life is but a journey,

Through mountains, hills and vales

We cannot have the sunshine

If we have no rain and gales.

 

So enjoy each precious moment,

And always give your best

Remember keep faith in God

Then you’ll be truly blessed.

Sally

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Update #42   

When you were a child, often you probably heard the statement, enjoy life for as you get older, time will go so much faster.  While we all know that mathematically time is calculated the same, isn’t there so much truth in that old adage?  Here we are in 2008 when most of us remember celebrating New Year’s Eve for the millennium like it was yesterday.  Days become weeks, weeks become months, and so on.  This month I celebrate the fact that 3 years will have passed, since that unforgettable day I was informed I likely had pancreatic cancer.  In contrast to my usual time flies by feeling, a 10-minute drive home from the doctor’s office that day felt like hours.

It took all the strength I had back then to tell my family about the probable cancer diagnosis.  I prayed like crazy just asking God to grant me serenity and help me accept His plan.  Three years later, I think about messages received from friends in emails like “Life is short.  Break the rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.”  I think to myself that is a good New Year’s resolution; then I pause and correct myself, that is a good motto for life as long as I may add, don’t be afraid to cry.  It’s been a Cedar Point style roller coaster ride since January 2005, but that same email wrapped it up by ending with “Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance!”

Andy, Shannon, and I had a wonderful Christmas Eve party with my family at our house.  We read poems in memory of my father who was celebrating his first Christmas in Heaven.  His absence was felt so much, but we knew he would want us to share in laughs and love.  We spent Christmas day with the Lake family at Andy’s parents and enjoyed terrific eats and a fun filled afternoon.  Santa was good to Shannon with his favorite gift being a kayak for use on the lake at the cottage.  Unlike his uncoordinated mom, he has borrowed our friends’ kayak in the past and is quite skilled at it. 

Opening Christmas gifts reminded me of a great email describing quotes from young children on what love meant to each of them.  Wise words came from a 7 year old who said “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”  On a more humorous note, Shannon in laughter pointed out a 6 year old’s thoughts that read, “Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.”  I must say love is also the honest innocence of a young child.

Over his holiday break, Shannon and I went ice-skating with friends at Rosa Park Circle.  It was only Shannon’s second time skating, and he is quite a trooper (of course I prohibit any child of mine to be a rail hugger).  I used to ice skate as a girl but am now a bit rusty. Just when I began feeling a tad bit over confident, I proceeded to take a rather ungraceful fall.  Not as bad as the time when I was 11 and received new skates for Christmas, and the day after proceeded to attempt a flying camel like Dorothy Hamill, and not only ruined my skates but cut open my foot.  I guess it all makes sense why my fortune at the Chinese restaurant the other day said, “Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure.”

We also went to the YMCA with my mom one afternoon.  I played a game of basketball with Shannon but came away with a less than discreet scratch on my face.  Losing the game by several points coupled with sustaining an injury left my pride quite in check.

Andy and I leave Thursday, January 10 for our trip to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.  Four months have quickly passed since my last CT scan test, so we will learn more about the present status of the cancer at this appointment, as I will have blood tests, a chest x-ray, and CT scan.  Andy, Shannon, and I are so thankful for all of your continued thoughts and prayers.  No matter how fast time may go, please always take a moment to be reminded your love is amazing.

Sally

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Update #41   

I’m not sure how many of you have been “dreaming about a white Christmas”, but I’m pretty sure here in Michigan, we are going to have snow on the ground.  No, I am not a meteorologist, but since I am looking out my window at a blanket of white, I feel it is a safe prediction.  It reminds me of a few years ago, when I told a friend, “I can predict the weather when I see it.”  He still gives me a hard time about that profound statement.

Well, Shannon’s birthday party went really well.  He had a terrific group of friends at our house for a sleepover, and other than Andy’s mom getting pelted in a game of dodge ball, it was a loud but injury free night (actually she did get hit but she was playing too and found enjoyment in the game).  Some of the boys who attended play on Shannon’s basketball team.  The games have been fun to watch and the kids get along great.  They have only won one game, but I am amazed at their terrific attitude.  The boys are excellent teammates and good sports, and yes, I continue to be a spirited fan.

Thinking about Shannon building friendships, it reminds me how fortunate I am to have such incredible friends.  I received an email that said an Angel wrote: “Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.  To handle yourself, use your head.  To handle others, use your heart.”  When I was in 5^th grade, we did this art project where we removed our socks and shoes, stepped in all different colors of paint, and walked on a large sheet of paper making an abstract design.  I never forgot that day, and I loved doing that project.  The best part of the story is little did I know, that all those footprints on that sheet, would never even come close to the footprints stamped in my heart over time thanks to all of your true friendships.

I went to the doctor last week and received good news.  My blood tests showed my calcium levels were normal, so I will continue to have shots approximately every three weeks.  Thus far, I have fortunately not experienced any side effects this time from the shot.  Andy and I will be leaving on January 10^th for a trip to Mayo.  On January 11^th, I will be having a ct scan test to update us on the status of the cancer and learn if I will need a 4^th hepatic artery embolization procedure.

Last Friday, we went to a holiday get together for our neighborhood.  I was way overdressed, but it didn’t bother me a bit, as I bought a new outfit to celebrate.  Later in the evening, the hostess learned I was battling cancer, had lost my father this summer, and she simply asked me, “How do you do it?”  I explained that for one, I wanted Shannon to have more to remember than his mom being sick with cancer.  Secondly, I needed to be there for Andy, who has been a “rock” through all of this.  Lastly I told her, my faith allows me to never be alone, no matter what I may face.  Days later, I thought about another thing that angel wrote in the email, “God gives every bird it’s food, but He does not throw it into its nest.”  I cannot control the cancer, but I can choose to feed my soul and nourish others.

I wanted to end this update with something I wrote about what Christmas means to me.

I also wish each of you the very best and hope that the New Year will bring you health and happiness.  Here’s how I spell Christmas:

Caring about each other and our differences,

Holding loved ones close and tight,

Remembering those who never left our hearts,

Inspiring all to celebrate life’s joys,

Sharing special times with family and friends,

Trying to be a better person touching lives,

Making beautiful, lasting memories,

Assuring family traditions begin but never end, and most importantly,

Saying thanks to God for the gift of Jesus.

Sally

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Update #40

The holiday season is in full swing.  I hope everyone had a special Thanksgiving filled with good times and many thanks.  Andy, Shannon, and I spent most of the day with the Lake family and enjoyed wonderful food and laughs.  We were able to stop by and see my family as well, so it made for a blessed Thanksgiving. 

The week of Thanksgiving, Andy and I also went to Shannon’s school conference.  He is doing excellent in school, and we are so proud of him.  As we were leaving, we saw something on the wall, which Shannon had made, called the “I am thankful for” tree.  The tree had many leaves of thanks, and the students were only allowed to have one acorn for their most significant item.  Shannon had things on the tree he was thankful for such as “ a fun family”, “all sports”, “our house”, “friends at school”, etc.  His acorn read, “I am thankful for a God who watches over us.”   What an incredible gift to experience our child growing not only physically and mentally, but also spiritually! 

I have been challenged a bit lately with my health.  Unfortunately, my calcium levels went high, so my doctor here consulted with Mayo to determine a plan.  The resulting plan was for me to receive five shots a couple weeks ago in an effort to control my tumors from causing the calcium to deplete from my bones into my bloodstream.  Around the same time, I began having some digestive complications, which lasted through Thanksgiving week.  The doctors are stumped for the main reason most patients receive these shots is to alleviate digestive issues, and that’s when I actually began experiencing these symptoms.  I guess it’s one more time my usual (or shall I say unusual) unique self was at work.  Reminds me of a great Gilda Radner quote I read the other day, “While we have the gift of life, it seems to me that the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die—whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our uniqueness.”

I am feeling better this week and excitedly look forward to Shannon’s birthday, which is Thursday, November 29th.  He is having a sleepover party with several friends on Friday to celebrate turning 9.  When I found out in January ’05 that I had a cancer, I promised myself that every birthday Shannon had to come would be memorable and full of love.  I wish this conviction wasn’t sparked by an illness, but making every day count and making events unforgettable became a priority.

The holidays are busy and quite honestly at time, things seem completely overwhelming.  My challenge to each of you is to reflect on what truly defines the holiday season for you personally, and please don’t miss out on those things that make a difference.  I am going to close with excerpts from a favorite of mine, Erma Bombeck, who lost her fight with cancer.  She wrote this after her diagnosis, and a friend emailed it to me a few weeks ago.  We all write our own story with how we choose to live each day God has given to us.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later.  Now go get washed up for dinner.” 

There would have been more “I love you’s”; more “I’m sorry’s.”

But mostly, given another shot in life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it… live it and never give it back.  STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Sally

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Update #39

Since November is well under way, I thought it was time to say hello again and let everyone know the latest.  Andy, Shannon, and I had a fantastic trip to Florida and really enjoyed our first time visit to Key West.  Little entrepreneur Shannon even made $10 from one of the performers at Mallory Square during the sunset celebration by joining in on the act.  Needless to say, Andy and I ended up providing a “donation” in return, but it was fun to see Shannon’s nervous red face being in front of people during the performance. 

Something also happened in Florida, which got me thinking to be careful not to apply too many self-created limits to my life.  Shannon asked me to race with him on the beach, and I repeatedly said no.  All of a sudden it hit me that no matter how much my body would ache after, the joy brought to Shannon watching his mom be “normal”, would far overshadow the pain.  Well, three races later at about 150 yards distance each, I am here to say Shannon easily won all of them, but I was rewarded with a child uplifted by a bonding experience.  Shannon seemed happy as ever on vacation, and Andy and I were able to enjoy some relaxation time. 

My conviction to the beach races reminded me of a story I read in the book my sister Linda gave me by author Kris Carr.  She too has Stage IV cancer and mentioned how after she had been diagnosed she read a billboard with David Beckham, soccer star, saying:  “Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small people who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given, than to explore the power they have to change it.  Impossible is an opinion, not a fact.  Impossible isn’t a declaration, it’s a dare.  Impossible is potential.  Impossible is temporary.  Impossible is nothing.”  The author then mentioned for her situation, she replaced the word impossible with incurable, as she didn’t like being stamped with an expiration date that just didn’t “jive” with her plans.  Wow, I agree and am going to keep running my toughest race called “life with cancer.”

Today, I go to my local doctor for a check up and blood tests.  Hopefully, my calcium level will be normal.  I have felt energetic lately, with the only concern being a lot of backaches.  The backaches may be related to the herniated disc problem discovered in the spring, so I try not to consume myself with it being due to the cancer.

Well, Shannon’s football season is over.  They won all their games, so the team went 7-0 (or according to the team, 8-0, since they beat the parents too in a game).  Now, Shannon has begun a competitive basketball league with the YMCA, so those stories will be coming soon.

My mom is doing very well.  She, like the rest of my family, misses my dad like crazy, but I am so proud of her.  She has joined the YMCA and frequently goes out with friends.  She also was a terrific football fan at Shannon’s games (but much quieter than her daughter).  My mom sets an incredible example of accepting God’s plan, and she continues to be an amazing source of strength for me.

I want to close with an email I received from a friend.  It talked about a group of students being assigned a project to identify what they believed were the “Seven Wonders of the World.”  Most votes came in for places such as Egypt’s Great Pyramids, Taj Mahal, Grand Canyon, etc.  However, the teacher noted one student struggling with the assignment, as the student mentioned she could not make up her mind for there were so many.  Looking down at her paper, the teacher noted what this student had jotted down as the “Seven Wonders of the World”:

1. To See
2. To Hear
3. To Touch
4. To Feel
5. To Laugh
6. To Love
7. Greatest of All- God’s amazing love for mankind in sending his only son Jesus to set us free and give us eternal life

On our drive to Key West, when I looked out and saw the Gulf of Mexico in one direction and the Atlantic Ocean in another, I was filled with a deep sense of wonder and amazement.  However, nothing compares to the gifts I’ve been given in #1-7 above that shapes all those experiences.  I don’t know whom that student was who struggled with her list, but she was one insightful individual.

Sally

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Update #38

Weeks go by so quickly.  The concept of making the most of every day is so important, as time just sails at an ever-increasing pace.  It is already late October, and I am happy to report that every week so far this month, I have managed to put shorts on at least once.  A record high temperature in Michigan, versus snow last year, has been a turn around mighty fine by me.

 Earlier this month, my mom, Barb, and I joined a group of friends, mostly past co-workers from Spartan, who presented us with a very special gift.  We each received a beautiful, creative scrapbook capturing updates, messages, and pictures from this web site since it’s inception.  When I again read through your messages, my eyes teared up with the joy of being loved and the inspiration provided to continue this battle.  Courage comes from within, but it also resonates from the support of family and friends.

 “Living with cancer” is tough sometimes, well ok, most of the time.  I wish that a full day would go by where it didn’t cross my mind, but my best accomplishment thus far is a few hours.  I am enjoying being back to work part time, as I feel challenged again, and it allows me to escape from the cancer focus.  A close friend sent me this saying from an unknown author, “Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up.”   Even with the ever-present knowledge I have cancer, there is a stronger “survivor” spirit inside, driving me to press on and fight to make a difference.

 Because I will be waiting four months from my last procedure before returning to Mayo, this will be my longest wait for having a CT scan test, since the diagnosis of my re-occurrence.  In the meantime, I will be monitored through my local doctor with blood tests and monthly check-up visits.  I feel comfortable with the plan.

 Shannon’s football has been so much fun.  His 8 and 9 year old Caledonia team is now 6-0, and their final game is this weekend.  After the 5th game against Rockford, the coach asked to see Andy and I after the game.  The coach excitedly informed us Shannon helped win the game, for he read the Rockford defensive moves and shared what was happening with the coach, so adjustments could then be made.  The coach said, “Shannon really gets it.”  Meanwhile, I kissed Shannon on his sweaty head and almost started crying.  A year and four months ago, I wasn’t sure I would ever see Shannon play football.  I may be the loudest, most boisterous parent as observed by most, but for me this is a dream come true.

 Andy, Shannon, and I are going to Florida at the end of this month, as Shannon has a week off school.  In my effort to experience new places, we are going to visit the Florida Keys for our first time.  Since Halloween is just around the corner, I wanted to share a message I received from a “pumpkin” friend and thank all of you for bringing me so many “treats” in life:

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff—

Including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.

Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you

To shine for all the world to see.

 Shine on my friends!

Sally

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10.2.07

Update #37

Another Mayo road trip has been completed.  I can no longer call it Mayo Summer Camp, since we have moved onto a splendid fall.  In a book about autumn, I found this poem entitled, “A Song of the Road” by Fred Bowles, about how to travel life’s journey:

 I lift my cap to Beauty, I lift my cap to Love;

I bow before my Duty, and know that God’s above!

My heart through shining arches of leaf and blossom goes;

My soul, triumphant, marches through life to life’s repose.

And I, through all this glory, nor know, nor fear my fate—

The great things are so simple, the simple are so great!

I had my 3rd hepatic artery embolization procedure on Monday morning, September 24th.  A doctor shared with Andy and I the following day that the radiologist had completed more work than originally planned, as he found more arteries were accessible to “block”.  This really is positive news in terms of attacking the cancer, but of course, the resulting recovery process is a little more difficult.  The same doctor said to me a couple days later at the hospital, “You really are good at this.”  It’s not my favorite thing to specialize in perfecting, but I took it as a compliment on the other hand.  I was also very happy to have my sister Linda come to spend several days at the hospital, so Andy could return to work.

  learned another lesson on my hospital stay.  I had a nurse named Denise who shared with me the first time I met her, she was not the fastest nurse.  At first, I found my high paced self, wanting to grab the thermometer and place it in my mouth, or ask why we were checking my wristband identification for the fifth time since I was still Sally Lake.  As the week went by though, I watched how thorough, conscientious, and caring she was as a nurse.  She even shared with me how she decided to become an oncology nurse when her husband had died early in life from lung cancer.  It finally hit me that there is beauty and learning in patience.  No one made a mark more on me on the trip than Denise.

We all know the expression; it’s a small world.  Just recently my mother found out from a friend, that a boy who had gone to Ottawa Hills Junior High School with my mother, had later become a pioneer of this hepatic artery embolization process.  Dr. Judah Folkman back at the Navy in 1961 challenged the question, “What if cancerous tumors in order to expand needed to trigger growth of new blood vessels to feed themselves, could cancer than be starved to death?”  Of course it took numerous years before the concept was brought to fruition, but how thankful we are that this brilliant man asked the question.

It is time for another football report.  Shannon’s team is currently 4-0, and although I had to sit in a chair in the bleachers (this was a new one for me), we arrived home just in time Saturday to see his game.  I may have required a special chair, but my lungs seemed to be working well, as my cheering remained loud and strong.  Shannon had his first tackle (long awaited by his parents), and they announced his name over the loud speaker.

We must have done a good job teaching Shannon due to being such a big boy for his age, not to take on a “bully” attitude, for he appears to like to stay on his feet.  Reminds me of the little girl who ran into the classroom and told the teacher:  “Two boys are fighting on the playground, and I think the one on the bottom wants to see you.”

Here’s some irony, I planned on this being a real short update message.  Let me end with a poem by Victor Hugo called, “Be Like the Bird”:

Be like the bird, who

Halting in his flight

On limb too slight

Feels it give way beneath him,

Yet sings

Knowing he hath wings.

Sally

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Update #36

 One of the many blessings in life is that each of us is truly unique.  I believe recognizing and appreciating those differences make us better equipped to live life to the fullest.  God gave me the gift of an incredible passion to influence others and use inner strength to handle whatever crosses my path.  For forty years, not a whole bunch of difficulty came with the journey, but I seem to be making up for it since that time.

 One key for staying focused on the journey, even when one feels tossed in the ditch, came in an email from a friend by an unidentified author.  It simply read, “Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid it will never begin.”   Someone told me the other day that as long as memories of my dad stay in my heart, I will never truly lose him.  How wonderful that his life began 75 years ago and by remaining strong, I am able to create memories for my family every day just like he did for us.

 Andy and I journeyed to Mayo this past week.  As we approached Rochester, MN the weather was very gloomy with all grey, cloudy sky except for a tiny patch of clear blue sky off in the distance.  As we proceeded closer, I looked around and examined the sky in every direction to find this was the only clear spot.  When we arrived, I looked up and realized the bright blue sky was directly above our destination.  I couldn’t help but tear up, for I felt it was like my dad looking down from above letting me know to be at peace.

 We received good news from the CT scan test, which showed no new cancer growth and that the 2nd hepatic artery embolization was a success in further softening or deadening the cancer cells in my liver.  Furthermore, the radiologist who performed the 2nd procedure determined there is another area in my liver, which could be attacked with a 3rd procedure.  Round 3 will take place on September 24th where I’ll again go to Mayo Clinic and stay at the Rochester Methodist Hospital.  Also, my blood tests taken locally have determined that my calcium is elevated, so more tests have been administered.  Once we have those results, I’ll gear up for whatever might be the next steps to address this situation.

 Work is going very well and offering me the necessary flexibility to continue to focus on my health.  It feels good to be contributing in strategic discussions and being a part of the team.  I’m really glad to be back.

 I guess it’s now time for a football report.  Shannon’s team won their first game, 26-6.  I am afraid that when his mom shared her gifts from God, she failed to mention the energized competitive spirit that often resembles “over the edge” character.  At the game, when being concerned about Shannon missing a tackle and the other team scoring, my mom had to remind me that the other team deserved to score some points.  I must work on keeping my overzealous attitude in check, for often at the practices, I find that when Shannon isn’t being aggressive, I want to get in there and tackle someone myself.  I know, it’s just a game; then again, it’s often just a practice. :)

 Dog lovers be sure to check out new pictures on the site of Shannon with Karla and Cory’s new dog.  The two became real pals while they watched him this past week.  He also had a wonderful time with my mom over the past weekend.

 In the same email from my friend that included the earlier quote, the message ended with some words to the wise that I am happy to close with:

Live simply.  Love generously.

Care deeply.  Speak kindly.

Leave the rest to God.

Sally

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9.6.07

Update #35

 It felt like time to write ano